I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
DAVE ATTELLThe voice in my head has a stutter, and that’s really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa… Write it down!
More Dave Attell Quotes
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I’m a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it’s what I’ve been doing and it’s what I’m going to keep doing.
DAVE ATTELL -
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I’m not an actor though, so I don’t really have much choice in the matter.
DAVE ATTELL -
Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
DAVE ATTELL -
I don’t have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that’s not what I said!
DAVE ATTELL -
Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.
DAVE ATTELL -
Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
DAVE ATTELL -
I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes.
DAVE ATTELL -
I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show.
DAVE ATTELL -
If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
DAVE ATTELL -
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
DAVE ATTELL -
I’m not like a performer type.
DAVE ATTELL -
Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
DAVE ATTELL -
When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.
DAVE ATTELL -
I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He’s at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don’t know what he’s talking about.
DAVE ATTELL -
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
DAVE ATTELL