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Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?

Dave Attell

Being on the road is kind of lonely.
DAVE ATTELL

Being Kind Lonely Road
I’m not like a performer type.
DAVE ATTELL

Like Performers Type
I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes.
DAVE ATTELL

Comic Jokes Tell
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I’m not an actor though, so I don’t really have much choice in the matter.
DAVE ATTELL

Actors Choices Matter Specials
I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
DAVE ATTELL

Lot Soundtracks Stuff
Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, “Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.”
DAVE ATTELL

Ejaculation Funny Humor
I don’t watch reality TV.
DAVE ATTELL

Reality Television Tell Watches Work
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
DAVE ATTELL

Funny Humor Rhinos Strap
Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
DAVE ATTELL

Funny Humor Shooting Stupid
Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?
DAVE ATTELL

Alright Chair Enough Worse
I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He’s at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don’t know what he’s talking about.
DAVE ATTELL

Bland Dad Firstly Military Mother Together
When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.
DAVE ATTELL

Country Kids Pardon People
Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
DAVE ATTELL

Great Writers Joyce
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
DAVE ATTELL

Loce Stuff Television
ltimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can’t get you laid. It’s an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.
DAVE ATTELL

Being Championship Suiter Unneeded
I’ve never had a surprise birthday party. I’ve had every other type of surprise. I’ve had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
DAVE ATTELL

Birthday Daughter Party

Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?

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Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Dave Attell Quotes