black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?

Dave Attell

I have a lot of pot tendencies. I’m always late, I laugh for no reason, I watch Jeopardy! with the sound off and make up my own questions.
DAVE ATTELL

Laughing Question Sound Tendency Watches
My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
DAVE ATTELL

Comedy Confidence Jobs Thinking
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
DAVE ATTELL

Loce Stuff Television
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people ‘the cops.’ But you know, sometimes, you’ve just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
DAVE ATTELL

Funny Humor School
A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that’s pretty much what you’re supposed to do with jokes. You’re not supposed to take it any further than that.
DAVE ATTELL

Laughing Mean People
Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.
DAVE ATTELL

Cuddling Funny Humor
Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?
DAVE ATTELL

Alright Chair Enough Worse
I’m not like a performer type.
DAVE ATTELL

Like Performers Type
I’ve never had a surprise birthday party. I’ve had every other type of surprise. I’ve had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
DAVE ATTELL

Birthday Daughter Party
I never wanted to be famous.
DAVE ATTELL

Famous never Wanted
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I’m not an actor though, so I don’t really have much choice in the matter.
DAVE ATTELL

Actors Choices Matter Specials
Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, “Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.”
DAVE ATTELL

Ejaculation Funny Humor
Being on the road is kind of lonely.
DAVE ATTELL

Being Kind Lonely Road
For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don’t know what happened to them. That’s the crowd that I like, the ones that don’t get so offended just to be offended.
DAVE ATTELL

Happened Long People Show Tattoo
Everyone was laughin’. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
DAVE ATTELL

Everyone Funny Humor Laughter
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
DAVE ATTELL

Funny Humor Rhinos Strap

Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Dave Attell Quotes