black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

Dave Attell

My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I’ll tell you ladies: it’s amazing.
DAVE ATTELL

Baby Cousin Funny
I never do any magic. You just can’t go around walking, “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising.
DAVE ATTELL

Come Home Some Stupid Surprising
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
DAVE ATTELL

Funny Humor Rhinos Strap
There’s a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you’re looking in a window. I’ll give you a hint: one of ’em is super illegal.
DAVE ATTELL

Funny Giving Humor
Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.
DAVE ATTELL

Cuddling Funny Humor
I love Fear Factor, but I think they’re running out of fears. It’s only a matter of time before they’re sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.
DAVE ATTELL

Before Love Running Sitting Thinking
Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?
DAVE ATTELL

Alright Chair Enough Worse
I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.
DAVE ATTELL

Celebrity Stars Thinking
I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
DAVE ATTELL

Lot Soundtracks Stuff
Being on the road is kind of lonely.
DAVE ATTELL

Being Kind Lonely Road
My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
DAVE ATTELL

Comedy Confidence Jobs Thinking
Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don’t you? “Damn I got to get the hell out of here!” “What was I thinking!”
DAVE ATTELL

Both Funny Humor Murder Sex
I never wanted to be famous.
DAVE ATTELL

Famous never Wanted
I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He’s at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don’t know what he’s talking about.
DAVE ATTELL

Bland Dad Firstly Military Mother Together
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
DAVE ATTELL

Bracelet Crazy Funny Humor
Capital punishment, that thing scares me, it really does. I was talking to my friend about the electric chair, and he starts freakin’ out. He’s like ‘the electric chair? That’s too good for these people. That’s too good for them’.
DAVE ATTELL

Capital Car Electric Punishment Scare Talking

I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Dave Attell Quotes