I don’t watch reality TV.
DAVE ATTELLA joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that’s pretty much what you’re supposed to do with jokes. You’re not supposed to take it any further than that.
More Dave Attell Quotes
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people ‘the cops.’ But you know, sometimes, you’ve just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
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I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
DAVE ATTELL -
Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
DAVE ATTELL -
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I’m not an actor though, so I don’t really have much choice in the matter.
DAVE ATTELL -
I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on.
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I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show.
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Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.
DAVE ATTELL -
Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?
DAVE ATTELL -
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
DAVE ATTELL -
Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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I’m not the comic of the generation, I’m not even the funniest guy in my family.
DAVE ATTELL -
The more Discovery Channel you watch, the less chance you have of ever meeting a woman. Because it fills your head with odd facts that can come out at any moment. “Hello. Did you know Hitler was ticklish? That sea otters have four nipples? Wait – don’t run away!”
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don’t you? “Damn I got to get the hell out of here!” “What was I thinking!”
DAVE ATTELL -
Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
DAVE ATTELL







