When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
DAVE ATTELLA joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that’s pretty much what you’re supposed to do with jokes. You’re not supposed to take it any further than that.
More Dave Attell Quotes
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
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A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that’s about it.
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I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.
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I’m not the comic of the generation, I’m not even the funniest guy in my family.
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Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.
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I have a lot of pot tendencies. I’m always late, I laugh for no reason, I watch Jeopardy! with the sound off and make up my own questions.
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I’ve never had a surprise birthday party. I’ve had every other type of surprise. I’ve had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He’s at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don’t know what he’s talking about.
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show.
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I’ll tell you ladies: it’s amazing.
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I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
DAVE ATTELL