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Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, “Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.”

Dave Attell

Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don’t you? “Damn I got to get the hell out of here!” “What was I thinking!”
DAVE ATTELL

Both Funny Humor Murder Sex
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I’m not an actor though, so I don’t really have much choice in the matter.
DAVE ATTELL

Actors Choices Matter Specials
A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that’s pretty much what you’re supposed to do with jokes. You’re not supposed to take it any further than that.
DAVE ATTELL

Laughing Mean People
A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that’s about it.
DAVE ATTELL

Computer Facebook Kids More Thinking Want
I have a lot of pot tendencies. I’m always late, I laugh for no reason, I watch Jeopardy! with the sound off and make up my own questions.
DAVE ATTELL

Laughing Question Sound Tendency Watches
I don’t watch reality TV.
DAVE ATTELL

Reality Television Tell Watches Work
So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
DAVE ATTELL

Dad Funny Hate Travel
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
DAVE ATTELL

Funny Humor Rhinos Strap
I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.
DAVE ATTELL

Celebrity Stars Thinking
Everyone was laughin’. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
DAVE ATTELL

Everyone Funny Humor Laughter
I’m not the comic of the generation, I’m not even the funniest guy in my family.
DAVE ATTELL

Family Generations Guy
Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
DAVE ATTELL

Aspirin Funny Hookers Humor
I never do any magic. You just can’t go around walking, “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising.
DAVE ATTELL

Come Home Some Stupid Surprising
I’m not like a performer type.
DAVE ATTELL

Like Performers Type
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
DAVE ATTELL

Bracelet Crazy Funny Humor
Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.
DAVE ATTELL

Cuddling Funny Humor

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, “Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.”

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Popular Authors

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, “Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.”

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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