black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

Dave Attell

I never do any magic. You just can’t go around walking, “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising.
DAVE ATTELL

Come Home Some Stupid Surprising
My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
DAVE ATTELL

Comedy Confidence Jobs Thinking
I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes.
DAVE ATTELL

Comic Jokes Tell
For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don’t know what happened to them. That’s the crowd that I like, the ones that don’t get so offended just to be offended.
DAVE ATTELL

Happened Long People Show Tattoo
I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
DAVE ATTELL

Lot Soundtracks Stuff
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
DAVE ATTELL

Funny Humor Rhinos Strap
I don’t watch reality TV.
DAVE ATTELL

Reality Television Tell Watches Work
Everyone was laughin’. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
DAVE ATTELL

Everyone Funny Humor Laughter
Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, “Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.”
DAVE ATTELL

Ejaculation Funny Humor
Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
DAVE ATTELL

Great Writers Joyce
I never wanted to be famous.
DAVE ATTELL

Famous never Wanted
I love Fear Factor, but I think they’re running out of fears. It’s only a matter of time before they’re sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.
DAVE ATTELL

Before Love Running Sitting Thinking
My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I’ll tell you ladies: it’s amazing.
DAVE ATTELL

Baby Cousin Funny
I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show.
DAVE ATTELL

Crowds Laughing Mind Show
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
DAVE ATTELL

Loce Stuff Television
Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
DAVE ATTELL

Aspirin Funny Hookers Humor

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Dave Attell Quotes