My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
DAVE ATTELLI hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He’s at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don’t know what he’s talking about.
More Dave Attell Quotes
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The voice in my head has a stutter, and that’s really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa… Write it down!
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I don’t watch reality TV.
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I’m not the comic of the generation, I’m not even the funniest guy in my family.
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I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on.
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I never do any magic. You just can’t go around walking, “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” “Ta-da!” The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising.
DAVE ATTELL -
ltimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can’t get you laid. It’s an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.
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The more Discovery Channel you watch, the less chance you have of ever meeting a woman. Because it fills your head with odd facts that can come out at any moment. “Hello. Did you know Hitler was ticklish? That sea otters have four nipples? Wait – don’t run away!”
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
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I’m not like a performer type.
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
DAVE ATTELL -
Don’t get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.
DAVE ATTELL