Everyone was laughin’. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
DAVE ATTELLMen are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I’ll tell you why: it’s cuz of that one sick man, and it’s up to me and a half-mexican to stop him.
More Dave Attell Quotes
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I never wanted to be famous.
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I don’t watch reality TV.
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My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I’ll tell you ladies: it’s amazing.
DAVE ATTELL -
I’m not! HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN’T LIKE IT? HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN’T LIKE IT? I know I wouldn’t like it, other scarier voice in my head! ‘Cause one time while making a sandwich, a cucumber went up my ass. Three times.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on.
DAVE ATTELL -
Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
DAVE ATTELL -
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
DAVE ATTELL -
Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I’ll tell you why: it’s cuz of that one sick man, and it’s up to me and a half-mexican to stop him.
DAVE ATTELL -
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
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I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
DAVE ATTELL -
Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, “Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.”
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I’m not like a performer type.
DAVE ATTELL -
I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes.
DAVE ATTELL -
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I’m not an actor though, so I don’t really have much choice in the matter.
DAVE ATTELL