“If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think.”

In life one cannot eat his cake and have it, too; he must make his choice and then do the best he can to be content to go the way his judgment leads.

Those who enjoy the emotion of hating are much like the groups who sate their thirst for blood by hunting and hounding to death helpless animals as an outlet for their emotions.

Human action is governed largely by instinct and emotion.

The law is a horrible business.

I am not afraid of any god in the universe who would send me or any other man or woman to hell. If there were such a being, he would not be a god; he would be a devil.

I don’t like spinach, and I’m glad I don’t, because if I liked it I’d eat it, and I just hate it.

True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.

The purpose of life is living. Men and women should get the most they can out of their lives.

Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

Physical deformity, calls forth our charity. But the infinite misfortune of moral deformity calls forth nothing but hatred and vengeance.

I am sure of very little, and I shouldn’t be surprised if those things were wrong.

Scopes isn’t on trial; civilization is on trial.

Justice has nothing to do with what goes on in a courtroom; Justice is what comes out of a courtroom

Autobiography is never entirely true. No one can get the right perspective on himself. Every fact is colored by imagination and dream.

I do not believe in god because I do not believe in Mother Goose.

The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Good humor and laughter are far too wonderful not to come straight from the heart of God.

They lived and laughed and loved and left.

I’m happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways.

Happiness serves hardly any other purpose than to make unhappiness possible.

You are incarnations of God, all of you. You are incarnations of the Almighty, Omnipresent, Divine Principle. You may laugh at me now, but the time will come when you will understand. You must. Nobody will be left behind.

Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat never take yourself too seriously.

Do not fix hopes on your health, and do not laugh away life. Remember how they walked and now all their joints lie separately, and the tongue with which they talked lightly is eaten away by the worms.

People are too lazy and too stupid to think for themselves that we’ve got sitcoms with canned laughter that let’s you know when to laugh if you’re to stupid to know when the joke is.