“When you think about it, there is really a fine line between being a proctologist and just being a perverted ass-freak. And according to the judge who sentenced me, that line is called a ‘medical degree’.”

So then you feel bad and go back to the addictive behavior to get more dopamine. The strange thing is that it works with what we think of as uppers and downers and whatever you call gambling – sidewaysers.

Sure, companies say they’re sensitive to their employees’ cultural heritages, but show up on casual Friday wearing a necklace made from the ears of your vanquished enemies and all hell breaks loose.

Women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.