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The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’

Bob Saget

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.
BOB SAGET

Realizing Sometimes Wish
Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.
BOB SAGET

Fire Light People
What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
BOB SAGET

Car Girlfriend Kitchen
Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
BOB SAGET

Attack Cauterize Done People
Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.
BOB SAGET

Creativity Day Kindness New
Nothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.
BOB SAGET

Fishes Nothing Pieces
My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
BOB SAGET

Fart Father Stuck
My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.
BOB SAGET

Clothes Dad Mom
Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.
BOB SAGET

Alcoholics Horrible Used
Everyone I love I pay.
BOB SAGET

Everyone Love Pay
You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
BOB SAGET

Friend Learn Lying
Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.
BOB SAGET

Gossip People Rumor
If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
BOB SAGET

Change Something Things Wake
The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
BOB SAGET

Squirrels Way Yards
I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
BOB SAGET

Baby Feet Pedicures
I have no agenda, nothing to control.
BOB SAGET

Agendas Control Nothing

The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’

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The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bob Saget Quotes