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I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.

Bob Hope

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous Old
It’s amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn’t sell theirs threw them away.
BOB HOPE

Day Next People See Sold Television
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!
BOB HOPE

Ford Gerald Golf President
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Funny Marriage Two
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Government Humorous People
If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
BOB HOPE

Golf Relax Right Thinking
Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
BOB HOPE

Golf Paramedic Play Trying
I saw more courage, more good humor in the face of discomfort, more love in an era of hate and more devotion to duty than could exist under tyranny.
BOB HOPE

Country Courage Devotion Discomfort Face Good Hate Humor More
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
BOB HOPE

Get Golf Names Vain
It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.
BOB HOPE

Course Golf Wounded
We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
BOB HOPE

Ashes Country Funny Humorous People
It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.
BOB HOPE

Funny Hilarious Sympathy Witty
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
BOB HOPE

Firsts Green Oscars
A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.
BOB HOPE

Doctors Funny Heart Operating Table

I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.

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I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.

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