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President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.

Bob Hope

It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Division Fame Golf
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
BOB HOPE

Age Growing Long
Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
BOB HOPE

Balls Golf Play
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE

Bombers Bombs Hell
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPE

Addresses Government Perfect Return
A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
BOB HOPE

Fields Flatterers Golf Shooting
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
BOB HOPE

Culture Hands Moving
It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.
BOB HOPE

Better Couple Funny Humorous
I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
BOB HOPE

Carter Done Nothing People
I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’
BOB HOPE

Dies Golf Pain Swings
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Night Reason Same
I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
BOB HOPE

Four Girl Lives Sheltered
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Funny Marriage Two
I have too much money invested in sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Invested Sweater
Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
BOB HOPE

Beach Golf Grass Pebbles
I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.
BOB HOPE

Hands Men Ruined Stepping

President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.

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President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.

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Popular Authors

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