When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
BILLY CONNOLLYRevolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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Try to live in a place you like.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
BILLY CONNOLLY