Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
BILLY CONNOLLYOh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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I don’t aim to offend.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
BILLY CONNOLLY