Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
BILLY CONNOLLYOh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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Don’t work out, work in.
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY