I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
BILLY CONNOLLYI think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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I don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
BILLY CONNOLLY