I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
BILLY CONNOLLYIn Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
BILLY CONNOLLY