They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
BILL MAHERI feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
More Bill Maher Quotes
-
-
Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
BILL MAHER -
Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
BILL MAHER -
I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
BILL MAHER -
I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
BILL MAHER -
Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER -
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
BILL MAHER -
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
BILL MAHER -
You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
BILL MAHER -
The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
BILL MAHER -
There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
BILL MAHER -
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
BILL MAHER -
The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
BILL MAHER -
I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
BILL MAHER -
The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
BILL MAHER -
It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
BILL MAHER