“My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet.”

For years I thought my father was a hunchback. Turns out he didn’t know suspenders were adjustable.

The arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

I was horrified when Richard Chamberlain and Rupert Everett said gay actors should stay in the closet. They were saying to people that they should live a lie and not be liberated, to live in fear of being found out.

All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.

The day of judgment will be a day when the skeletons come out of the closets! And each of us will be standing there to face the record.

With a song, you can shove it in a dark closet and tell it you’ll be there when you’re ready.

I get why certain actors want to stay in the closet.

It is a fearful thing to lead this great peaceful people into war, into the most terrible and disastrous of all wars, civilizationitself seeming to be in the balance. But the right is more precious than peace, and we shall fight for the things we have always carried closest to our hearts.