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I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.

Bill Hicks

They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
BILL HICKS

Comedian Good Life Smoking
I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.
BILL HICKS

Bullshit Humanity Shoes Tired
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
BILL HICKS

Alone Funny Humor Knowledge People
You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I’m not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that’s the connection they’re trying to make.
BILL HICKS

Connection Make Trying
I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine!
BILL HICKS

Country Mean Most Surprise
Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.
BILL HICKS

Candy Kids Look Mister Rocks Wife
Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.
BILL HICKS

Atheist Funny Sex
Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
BILL HICKS

Created Fear Organization
I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
BILL HICKS

Coffee Real Skins
I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
BILL HICKS

Business Kids Men Running
You ever seen somebody do that? I’ve seen someone do that. Let me tell you something – if you’re smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I’d think about quitting. And that’s just me, ya know.
BILL HICKS

Big Fear Quitting Smoke Something Think
The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.
BILL HICKS

Exposing Laughing Light People
BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.
BILL HICKS

Book Phones Stupidity
Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
BILL HICKS

Eye Funny Inspirational Paint Spray
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
BILL HICKS

Everything Funny Humor Life
I’ll tell you how to solve this abortion thing…Those unwanted babies…? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
BILL HICKS

Abortion Baby Steps Unwanted

I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.

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I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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