When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
BILL HICKSIf you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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Truly, the only stupid people I’ve ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.
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I’ve had seven balls of light come off a UFO…explain to me telepathically we are all one and there’s no such thing as death.
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I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
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It’s an insane world, and I’m proud to be a part of it.
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I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
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May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When?’
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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.
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It’s all about money, not freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without money, okay?
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I don’t identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.
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I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin’ [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] ‘good evening everybody, remember me, smoking’s bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww.
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Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life?
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
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What before seemed a…frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
BILL HICKS