Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
BILL HICKSIf you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.
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STRATFORD SUCKS!’ Am I supposed to run after these guys? I’d just stand there, you know. They’d back up. ‘STRATFORD SUCKS! …STRATFORD SUCKS!’ I’d say, ‘I know. I go there. You’re wasting gas, man.
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Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here’s my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride …
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.
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Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don’t want any gay people hanging around me while I’m killing kids. I just don’t want to see it.
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?…No, it’s not…That’s called logic and it’ll help us all evolve.
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I don’t like anything in the mainstream and they don’t like me.
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I’ll tell you how to solve this abortion thing…Those unwanted babies…? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
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You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I’m not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that’s the connection they’re trying to make.
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I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us…to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells.
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I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.
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What does an atheist scream when they come?
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We really are All One….this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.
BILL HICKS