I don’t think people know what hygienist means.
BILL BURRLet’s go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking.
More Bill Burr Quotes
-
-
Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
BILL BURR -
When you say, “there’s no reason [to hit a woman]” that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. When you say, “there’s no reason,” you cut out the build-up and you’re just left with the act. How you gonna solve it if you don’t figure it out?
BILL BURR -
What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
BILL BURR -
I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.
BILL BURR -
Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.
BILL BURR -
Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!
BILL BURR -
I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me.
BILL BURR -
I’m an idiot, basically. I don’t think that I’m a dumb guy, but I also realise that I have access to about 0.1 percent of the information that I need to have a truly informed opinion about half the stuff I talk about.
BILL BURR -
The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I’m in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can’t seem to come up with anything new that’s funny. That’s a tough place to be as a comedian.
BILL BURR -
Something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
BILL BURR -
There’s a big thing right now with people using stand-up as a scapegoat. People think comedians have the power to change someone in an hour. If we had that ability, the art would not be legal. It would too dangerous.
BILL BURR -
My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.
BILL BURR -
I’m one of those guys where you know, I’m 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities.
BILL BURR -
Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans – if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we’d never live it down.
BILL BURR -
London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.
BILL BURR







