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Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.

Bill Burr

My neighbor’s not even listening to me. He’s all excited about some garden hose he bought at Brookstone. He’s convinced it was designed by NASA. “Actually, it’s got two nozzles, one for the hot and one for the…”
BILL BURR

Designed Funny Garden Nasa Two
Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans – if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we’d never live it down.
BILL BURR

Country Done Native Thinking
The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.
BILL BURR

Guy Office Running
It’s a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There’s good things and bad things.
BILL BURR

Air Good Things World
If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.
BILL BURR

Lines Trying Way
I’ve battled with that type of stuff, but what I’ve found is that by doing stand-up, I’ve actually learned about depression and how to combat it. I don’t have clinical, but I’ve definitely had my bouts with it.
BILL BURR

Battled Clinically Found Stuff Type
People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you’re a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is “looking for”. Just say what you think is funny. .
BILL BURR

Caring People Thinking
Deny your emotions and act like you have answers
BILL BURR

Answers Emotion Like You
You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
BILL BURR

Believe Comedian People
Actually they [ Netflix] were telling us to push it further and I’ve never gotten a nod like that from anybody in the industry, so it’s been awesome to work with them. I’m very happy where we’re at.
BILL BURR

Happy Industry Netflix Very
I started having a panic attack seeing my name in that list of people. It was pretty overwhelming.
BILL BURR

Attack Overwhelming Panic Sudden
I’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
BILL BURR

Easy Saint Wife
Let’s go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking.
BILL BURR

Sleep Sunday Thinking
Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.
BILL BURR

Dave Shows Working
Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.
BILL BURR

Childhood Funny Running
A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they’re really small.
BILL BURR

Anxiety Boys Years

Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.

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Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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