To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.
BILL BURRI’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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When you say, “there’s no reason [to hit a woman]” that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. When you say, “there’s no reason,” you cut out the build-up and you’re just left with the act. How you gonna solve it if you don’t figure it out?
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I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
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It’s better to just plough ahead. And if I say something they don’t get, I just make fun of myself for assuming that everybody knows everything about where I live.
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Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
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I don’t think people know what hygienist means.
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I’m one of those guys where you know, I’m 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities.
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Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else’s success is not your failure.
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I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
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I started having a panic attack seeing my name in that list of people. It was pretty overwhelming.
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People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you’re a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is “looking for”. Just say what you think is funny. .
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I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me.
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Like when I finally got away from the east coast for a while, and I came back there was just this underlying anger that I never noticed before, because I was born there and just dropped right into it.
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I was a feature one time and they gave me host money. When I called to complain the guy goes “no you didn’t feature, you co-hosted”. He literally invented a term so he didn’t have to pay me. And obviously that check bounced!
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I have fun doing movies, I’ve had fun doing the animated show, and I certainly have fun doing standup. Even that, even though it’s just me talking, it’s also interaction with the crowd.
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My neighbor’s not even listening to me. He’s all excited about some garden hose he bought at Brookstone. He’s convinced it was designed by NASA. “Actually, it’s got two nozzles, one for the hot and one for the…”
BILL BURR