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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression.

Bill Bryson

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  When I awoke it was daylight. The inside of my tent was coated in a curious flaky rime, which I realized after a moment was all of my nighttime snores, condensed and frozen and pasted to the fabric, as if into a scrapbook of respiratory memories.

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  Science has been quite embattled. It’s the most important thing there is. An arts graduate is not going to fix global warming. They may do other valuable things, but they are not going to fix the planet or cure cancer or get rid of malaria.

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  I must say, so long as the car is not actually moving. However, as soon as you put the car in motion … everything slides off … It can hold nothing that has not been nailed to it. So I ask you: what then is it for?

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  Roads get wider and busier and less friendly to pedestrians. And all of the development based around cars, like big sprawling shopping malls.

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  Boston’s freeway system is insane. It was clearly designed by a person who had spent his childhood crashing toy trains.

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• 

  This was 1990, the year that communism died in Europe and it seemed strange to me that in all the words that were written about the fall of the iron curtain, nobody anywhere lamented that it was the end of a noble experiment.

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• 

  I’m quite certain that if the rest of the world vanished overnight and the development of cricket were left in Australian hands, within a generation, the players would be wearing shorts and using the bats to hit each other, and the thing is, it’d be a much better game for it.

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• 

  Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil and they want you dead.

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• 

  I have long known that it is part of God’s plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth.

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• 

  The first book I did – the first successful book – was a kind of a travel book, and publishers in Britain encouraged me to do more.

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• 

  The food is excellent. The beer is cold. The sun nearly always shines. There is coffee on every corner. Life doesn’t get much better than this.

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• 

  I always wanted to do a baseball book; I love baseball. The problem is that a very large part of my following is in non-baseball playing countries.

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• 

  Britain still has the most reliably beautiful countryside of anywhere in the world. I would hate to be part of the generation that allowed that to be lost.

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• 

  I wanted to quit and to do this forever, sleep in a bed and in a tent, see what was over the next hill and never see a hill again. All of this all at once, every moment, on the trail or off.

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• 

  When you sit in a chair, you are not actually sitting there, but levitating above it at a height of one angstrom (a hundred millionth of a centimetre), your electrons and its electrons implacably opposed to any closer intimacy.

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  We live on a planet that has a more or less infinite capacity to surprise. What reasoning person could possibly want it any other way?

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