People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEYI’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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This shed does not contain me.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEY