Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEYWhy do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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