They say if you don’t have your health you ain’t got nothing, but the truth is you ain’t got nothing if you don’t have no one to worry about your health.
BERNIE MACShut up before I drop yo ass off at Koreatown. Now hold on, America, don’t start writing no letters. I’m just kidding. But am I lying?
More Bernie Mac Quotes
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I get facials. I get a manicure and pedicure every week. I get my hair cut, and I oil myself down from head to toe. I got that from my brother. I was so impressed with how high maintenance he was. When he left the room, you could still smell him for an hour.
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You don’t see me in Los Angeles a lot. I go back home. Because I can’t play the game. I can’t – my tolerance – I know I’m getting old; I’ll be 50 this year. And you know how I know I’m getting old? ‘Cause my tolerance level is low.
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Bernie Mac just says what you think but are afraid to say.
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I learned hard lessons in life; I had to because I had so much happen: My mother died my sophomore year in high school. The next year, same day, my brother dropped dead. Two years after that, I got married because my girlfriend got pregnant. The year after my wedding, my father – who I had only recently met – died.
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My grandmother always told me how you start is how you finish.
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The success of my comedy has been not being afraid to touch on subject matters or issues that everyone else is politically scared of.
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I love who I am. I love what I’ve become.
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I want people to say at the end of my day, you know, like I used to say about Sidney Poitier and James Cagney and Joan Crawford and Red Skelton and those guys and Bill Cosby. They did quality and substance. You always remember them.
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When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars – that’s heaven here on earth.
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It’s a pleasure to work with someone who is just as strong as you are.
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I took my sports experience to my life on stage. That’s why I’m so disciplined. Playing sports, I was always underestimated. I was never picked first to do anything. This always helped me. It taught me how to push myself.
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Suffering is a good teacher. It keeps you in its grip until you’ve learned your lesson.
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I had to do clubs where street gangs were, had to do motorcycle gangs, gay balls and things of that nature.
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You know, every time it comes, every time that light comes on or every time that camera comes on, every time that microphone comes on, the Mac Man seek and destroy.
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My humor had changed from foolishness to making sense.
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When you’re offstage, that’s the footprint. That’s the man God’s gonna judge.
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Hugs aren’t like pieces of pie. Plenty of hugs to go around.
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If I can tell someone a story that makes them bend over and laugh, that’s bigger than anything else.
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You can’t be a doctor if you don’t know the entire parts of the body.
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I want to do something that people can really say, ‘Hey, man, that was good, I’m proud of you, I’m proud of that.’ ‘Pride’ and ‘Transformers’ and things like that.
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Fear is not one of my attributes.
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Black audiences are hard. They always think they’re better than you. So you got to come with a little extra to satisfy them.
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I came from a place where there wasn’t a lot of joy.
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I want to speak directly to the audience, to say, ‘I’m like you – I’m frustrated, I’m not an expert, I don’t have a manual on parenting, I make mistakes, I’m selfish too.’
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I came up in the community center. I used to be physical director of the South Central Community Center in Chicago on 83rd. It’s still there. It used to be around there when I was a kid.
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Only way you can you get upset is when you expecting something.
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