“It’s a great stretch for me to do my game show. It’s very hard. It’s not me at all. The only part that’s me is sort of when I’m sitting in the booth looking tormented. That’s the only part that’s the real me.”

If there is no God, why bother to tell the truth? Why not steal?

Academic freedom is being lost by a great many people who dare to challenge Darwinism. That’s a terrifying situation. That’s contrary to the principles of science.

It’s amazing what ordinary people can do if they set out without preconceived notions.

Politics is a thankless occupation; I have no interest in it at all.

My pals, such as they are, in Hollywood, ask me why I love to travel to D.C. so much, why it’s a vacation destination for me. I say, ‘Because I sometimes have perfect days there.’

What’s a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son.

Americans are terrified because so many of them have been laid off in recent years and months and they fear that they may be next. Even if they have not been laid off or have not known anyone laid off, they definitely know someone who has lost his home.

Put simply, the rich pay a lot of taxes as a total percentage of taxes collected, but they don’t pay a lot of taxes as a percentage of what they can afford to pay, or as a percentage of what the government needs to close the deficit gap.

It is so great to sleep in safe, glorious, beautiful America. I just cannot get over it.

I don’t like the sound of all the lists he’s making.

If there’s a recession, I’d buy stocks. That’s when you make money: when markets are spooked.

It’s about how Darwin ‘s theory – supposedly concocted by this mild-mannered saintly man, with a flowing white beard like Santa Claus – led to the murder of millions of innocent people.

The banks are not lending, at least from what I see. They were so wild and reckless back in the good times that they got burned terribly.

As to a media personality, well that just happened in large measure because people found me amusing, and I did lots and lots of T.V. news interview shows.

The real stars are wearing body armor in 130-degree heat . . . They’re getting shot at and they don’t have any stunt doubles standing in for them.

I love sleeping in a moving car more than sleeping in bed.

I feel like a lot of niggas in the rap game ain’t do what I did in these streets and a lot of niggas in the streets ain’t do what I did in the rap game.

To me, baseball is not a game, but a religion.

Have you ever seen a demonstrable example of equality in your entire life? Can it be glimpsed in any dog show or classroom? In any ping pong game or chess match? Of course not. It is a philosophical abstraction, something nowhere to be found in nature.

I think for kids it’s the most important part of the game. You have to be able to skate forward and backward, stop and start, go from side to side. Those are the basics of the game.

Basketball is a full court game, so every drill must be done full court.

You need players that stand for emotion in football. Football today is a game for television.

You are never going to be driven anywhere worthwhile, but you sure as hell drive yourself to a lot of great places. It is up to you to drive yourself there.

Oh, I’m nerdy about science fiction and fantasy and graphic novels and reading, and I’m nerdy about board games.