“There is little success where there is little laughter.”

Ninety percent of all millionaires become so through owing real estate.

I don’t believe in God. My God is patriotism. Teach a man to be a good citizen and you have solved the problem of life.

The first man gets the oyster, the second man gets the shell.

You are what you think. So just think big, believe big, act big, work big, give big, forgive big, laugh big, love big and live big.

tall oaks from little acorns grow.

You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he is willing to climb a little.

The man who dies rich, dies disgraced

That best portion of a good man’s life— His little, nameless, unremembered acts Of kindness and of love.

He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave.

A library outranks any other one thing a community can do to benefit its people. It is a never failing spring in the desert.

We cannot afford to lose the Negro. We have urgent need of all and more. Let us therefore turn our efforts to making the best of him.

I am as a speck of dust in the sun, and not even so much, in this solemn, mysterious, unknowable universe.

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.

When fate hands us a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade.

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say. I just watch what they do.

TEAMWORK: the fuel that allows common people attain uncommon results.

I did standup while still working for Johnny Carson in the mid-’60s, thus gaining the advantage of at least getting laughs from him about how I hadn’t the night before.

It’s fun once in a while to do a serious part but I really enjoy doing comedy because I love to laugh.

I enjoy making people laugh. The trick is to tell them jokes against yourself. If you praise yourself, your stories aren’t funny.

If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think.

Laughter appears to stand in need of an echo, Listen to it carefully: it is not an articulate, clear, well-defined sound; it is something which would fain be prolonged by reverberating from one to another.

In laughter we always find an unavowed intention to humiliate and consequently to correct our neighbour.

The only cure for vanity is laughter. And the only fault that’s laughable is vanity.

I tell the boy in my class that no means no and he laughs in my face – says no means change my mind.