Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCERiot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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