“What will a child learn sooner than a song?”

Vice is a monster of so frightful mien As to be hated needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace.

What is it to be wise? ‘Tis but to know how little can be known, To see all others’ faults, and feel our own.

Praise from a friend, or censure from a foe, Are lost on hearers that our merits know.

The greatest magnifying glasses in the world are a man’s own eyes when they look upon his own person.

An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie; for an excuse is a lie guarded.

Beauty draws us with a single hair.

Passions are the gales of life.

We may see the small value God has for riches, by the people he gives them to.

To swear is neither brave, polite, nor wise.

Words are like Leaves; and where they most abound, Much Fruit of Sense beneath is rarely found.

As with narrow-necked bottles; the less they have in them, the more noise they make in pouring out.

There is but one way I know of conversing safely with all men; that is, not by concealing what we say or do, but by saying or doing nothing that deserves to be concealed.

And seem to walk on wings, and tread in air.

True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, As those move easiest who have learned to dance.

Women use lovers as they do cards; they play with them a while, and when they have got all they can by them, throw them away, call for new ones, and then perhaps lose by the new all they got by the old ones.

You purchase pain with all that joy can give and die of nothing but a rage to live.

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they are going to catch you in next.

At age 11, I went to a Jewish school. I speak Yiddish. I’m Church of England Protestant. My father was Catholic, and my mother was Protestant. My wife is a Muslim.

It is not your fault for falling in love with the wrong person. It is easy to mistake familiarity for love, if the love you received as a child was flawed.

I wasn’t ever a huge fan of comics. Just not one of those kids, you know?

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.

I was bad, but I was one of the kids that never got caught. If anyone ever knew I did something, it was because I told them. ‘Cause I’m a really good liar, so I end up snitching on myself.

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.