“The laughers are a majority.”

Eve left Adam, to meet the Devil in private.

The people’s voice is odd, It is, and it is not, the voice of God.

Men must be taught as if you taught them not, and things unknown proposed as things forgot.

Sleep and death, two twins of winged race, Of matchless swiftness, but of silent pace.

True wit is nature to advantage dressed; What oft was thought, but ne’er so well expressed.

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn’t much better than tedious disease.

What will a child learn sooner than a song?

O peace! how many wars were waged in thy name.

The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.

A patriot is a fool in ev’ry age.

He who serves his brother best gets nearer God than all the rest.

On life’s vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

What then remains, but well our power to use, And keep good-humor still whate’er we lose? And trust me, dear, good-humor can prevail, When airs, and flights, and screams, and scolding fail.

Tis but a part we see, and not a whole.

An obstinate person does not hold opinions; they hold them.

Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed was the ninth beatitude.

Each life unfulfilled, you see; It hangs still, patchy and scrappy: We have not sighed deep, laughed free, Starved, feasted, despaired,—been happy.

People who do not know how to laugh are always pompous and self-conceited.

Figure out what makes you laugh, and do more of it. Figure out what makes you cry, and do less of it.

I want someone to laugh with me, someone to be grave with me, someone to please me and help my discrimination with his or her own remark, and at times, no doubt, to admire my acuteness and penetration.

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.

There it was: a few friends, laughter, and the safest place on earth.

I try to bring the audience’s own drama – tears and laughter they know about – to them.

Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got when you ought to have it.