“I am what they call a chubby-skinny guy.”

There’s a common misconception with sketch comedy that you just go up there and wing it, but it’s written, and there really is order.

I also think you can go back and forth between film and television pretty seamlessly.

So for the last two years we’ve been hearing, “Make America great again.” People go, “Well, America was never great.

It was videotaped, and I’m sure Shane Black was watching it from his helicopter or something. And then I got a call the next day that I was going down to shoot it.

Well, you can’t improvise story, which is a fact. If you could, the budget would be insane.

Anytime I audition for something, it’s always a question of whether or not the people I’m auditioning for understand I’m an improviser and I like to do that, and if they like that or if they just want someone who’s going to do what’s written.

At around 19 I realized that I really didn’t have any skills other than making people laugh, so I should probably pursue it full-time.

Anywhere else is a horribly dangerous time for women and minorities.

I think where it’s going is toward what the music industry is like, where channels will be considered more like labels that carry the type of TV show that you like

For me, why would a Jew want to go anywhere in history ever? I’m only going to have to run.

I don’t think in this day and age that, aside from two or three people, there isn’t an actor who can just do one thing.

My parents’ convictions, when it came to discipline, were not very strong.

I love Billy Joel. I cry sometimes when I hear ‘The Stranger.’ ‘You May Be Right’ may be one of the greatest songs ever written.

Eventually I got the call for ‘Iron Man,’ and I read sides that had nothing to do with what I did in the movie, and I performed it once while no one was in the room

America is never great. America is great in what it can be, which is the American dream.

People, when they come up to me, are like, “Did we go to high school together? Or did I make out with you at sleepaway camp?” And oftentimes, yes, that is the answer, because I went to a giant high school and made out with everybody.

I shouldn’t have called out Will Ferrell, but I am getting a little fed up with these people.You want to support Bernie Sanders, knock yourself out. Does he know what Bernie stands for? Does he know what Bernie wants? And I submit to you, he doesn’t.

In my heart, I never called one wrong.

The so-called science of poll-taking is not a science at all but mere necromancy. People are unpredictable by nature, and although you can take a nation’s pulse, you can’t be sure that the nation hasn’t just run up a flight of stairs.

Call me patch. I mean it. Call me.

I found out that a person named Elizabeth Frazier was living with AIDS at the time, and so I called her up, and she took a meeting with me.

What is called generosity is usually only the vanity of giving; we enjoy the vanity more than the thing given.

This so-called fame or being better off doesn’t really attract me at all.

This so-called contemporary art is not a form, but a philosophy of society.