Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
ADAM FERRARAThe human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
ADAM FERRARA