Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
ADAM FERRARAThe human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
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My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
ADAM FERRARA