If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
ADAM CAROLLA