People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I get depressed at airports.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA