When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLAWelfare is monetary methadone.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
ADAM CAROLLA






