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Welfare is monetary methadone.

Adam Carolla

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
ADAM CAROLLA

Agnostic Atheist God Law Thinking
When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
ADAM CAROLLA

Excitement Express Knowledge Radio Show Yourself
I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
ADAM CAROLLA

Crazy Funny House Lonely Ratio Roof Someone Talk
It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
ADAM CAROLLA

Acclimate Anything Funny Kid
You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Cruise Feeling Good Internet Name Walk
A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Guy Mean Money People Successful Thinking
I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
ADAM CAROLLA

Biggest Coffee Soccer Soft Thinking Whatever World
The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Land Leave People Ten Thing View
Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ashtray College High Junior School
Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
ADAM CAROLLA

Allow Atheist Guilt Man Myself Screw Sex Ten
I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
ADAM CAROLLA

Guy Need Personality Pople Represent Want
If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
ADAM CAROLLA

Disappointed Funny Humor Show Sorey Tuning
There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Cue Good Need Pressure Read Reader Ton
When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLA

Basketball Brother Guy Odd Playing Team Yarmulke
You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
ADAM CAROLLA

Accomplishment Feel Good Should Yelled Yourself
I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
ADAM CAROLLA

Calm Fine Natural Real Realist Sexist Simple

Welfare is monetary methadone.

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Welfare is monetary methadone.

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