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I’d never hurt another person.

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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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