I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLAThere is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
ADAM CAROLLA