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I know the Gospel according to Mark better than I know any sura in the Quran.

Aasif Mandvi

I thought [when I was 16] my days were just going to be spent hanging out on a beach and my girlfriend was going to be Miss Teen USA and my best friend will be a dolphin.
AASIF MANDVI

Beach Day Enjoy Girlfriend Hanging Spent
If you choose to be a Muslim then you believe that it is on some level wrong to show the image of the Prophet Muhammad.
AASIF MANDVI

Believe Levels Prophet Muhammad
The idea that I had anything to do with speaking about Islam or about the Muslim world was just absurd to my family. … I hadn’t been to the mosque in like 10 years.
AASIF MANDVI

Country Family Idea Islam World Year
I’m not really a food connoisseur.
AASIF MANDVI

Connoisseur Food Really
I mean, but obviously, in people’s eyes, it still – it can still link Islam to terrorism. I mean, why does it make a difference that they’re white?
AASIF MANDVI

Difference Eye Mean Obviously People White
When I was 11 my friend’s mom made a peanut butter sandwich. I ate the sandwich and was like, ‘I’m never eating anything else again.’ And I still eat peanut butter every day. I would put peanut butter on a steak.
AASIF MANDVI

Ate Eating Friend Made Mom Peanut Butter Sandwich
For anybody who’s ever been on the other end of, like, racial violence logic is not something that can be used.
AASIF MANDVI

End Like Logic Something Used Violence
When my family decided to leave England I could not have been happier. I was sort of like – America seemed like the land of opportunity and, you know, it was Hollywood to me.
AASIF MANDVI

America Decide Family Land Like Opportunity Seem Sort
In Britain, you never get away from the fact that you’re a foreigner. In the U.S., the view is it doesn’t matter where you come from.
AASIF MANDVI

Come Fact Matter Views Where You
We are Muslims. My father would pawn off his Muslim in-laws as Hindus just so that he could get free pancakes.
AASIF MANDVI

Cast Father Law Pancake Pawn
If you don’t acknowledge differences, it’s as bad as stereotyping or reducing someone.
AASIF MANDVI

Acknowledge Bad Differences Stereotype Reducing Someone
I was a fan of “The Daily Show” I watched it,I never imagined being on it, but I figured I would just go down there and do my best Stephen Colbert impression.
AASIF MANDVI

Daily Down Fan Figure Imagine Impression Show Watch
I’ve always said I’m the worst representative of Muslim-Americans that’s ever existed, because I’ve been inside more bars than mosques.
AASIF MANDVI

Bar Existed Inside More Mosque Muslim
I don’t want to tell people what they should think.
AASIF MANDVI

People Tell Thinking Want
Because to Americans, Chechnya might as well be a suburb of Narnia.
AASIF MANDVI

Chechnya Country might Narnia Suburb
Samantha Bee said to me when I first started on the “Daily Show”, she was like no – there is no – the only way you’ll learn this job is by doing this job.
AASIF MANDVI

Daily First Job Learn No Samantha Bee She Show Started Way

I know the Gospel according to Mark better than I know any sura in the Quran.

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I know the Gospel according to Mark better than I know any sura in the Quran.

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