People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLINHonesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN