“It was funny if you looked at it right quick, but it got pitiful if you thought about it awhile.”

So she sat on the porch and watched the moon rise. Soon its amber fluid was drenching the earth, and quenching the thirst of the day.

Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board.

I don’t know any more about the future than you do. I hope that it will be full of work, because I have come to know by experience that work is the nearest thing to happiness that I can find. I want a busy life, a just mind and a timely death.

I love myself when I am laughing. And then again when I am looking mean and impressive.

Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.

The present was an egg laid by the past that had the future inside its shell.

Now, women forget all those things they don’t want to remember, and remember everything they don’t want to forget. The dream is the truth. Then they act and do things accordingly.

Love, I find, is like singing.

She was saving up feelings for some man she had never seen.

When one is too old for love, one finds great comfort in good dinners.

There is nothing to make you like other human beings so much as doing things for them.

If you want that good feeling that comes from doing things for other folks then you have to pay for it in abuse and misunderstanding.

She starched and ironed her face, forming it into just what people wanted to see.

Nothing that God ever made is the same thing to more than one person.

Her old thoughts were going to come in handy now, but new words would have to be made and said to fit them.

It was not death she feared. It was misunderstanding.

And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

I have definitely had guys walk up to me, put their arm around me, and when they walk away, my shoulder smells like taco meat.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?