black
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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