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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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