We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARXDie in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX






