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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

W. C. Fields

You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

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