If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLINIf your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN