The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLINIf your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
GEORGE CARLIN