“When I was doing Bean more than I’ve done him in the last few years, I did strange things – like appearing on chat shows in character as Mr. Bean.”

Enjoy your own company instead of expecting someone else make you happy.

I would never wish to say that I’ve finally waved goodbye to any character, it’s just that the emphasis tends to shift.

Nope, I don’t enjoy work generally. Not because I’m lazy; it’s just all so stressful and worrying.

I have a problem with Porsches. They’re wonderful cars, but I know I could never live with one.

Marketing is what gets you noticed, and that side of it something – this side of it, if you like, doing interviews – is the side of it that I least enjoy, and yet is 50% of the project.

We must be allowed to insult each other.

I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I’m in the company of good friends, but I’m not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious.

For telling a good and incisive religious joke, you should be praised. For telling a bad one, you should be ridiculed and reviled. The idea that you could be prosecuted for the telling of either is quite fantastic.

I would never be a television presenter. It’s not something I could ever do.

To be successful you don’t need beautiful face and heroic body, what you need is skillful mind and ability to perform.

If you get the quality right, then the marketability or whatever; your ability to sell videos or your ability to earn money or whatever, will follow naturally.

If you get the quality right, then the marketability or whatever; your ability to sell videos or your ability to earn money or whatever, will follow naturally.

What is wrong with inciting intense dislike of a religion if the activities or teachings of that religion are so outrageous, irrational or abusive of human rights that they deserve to be intensely disliked?

I’m certainly not aware of suppressing more sophisticated ambitions.

It’s a bit disconcerting being treated like Madonna.

I tend to play rather odd men. People that are slightly odd or eccentric, or have a more particular attitude to life.

I grew up dying my hair with Kool-Aid. I used to switch my hair up every day just to make myself look and feel good.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

Defeat appears to me preferable to total inaction.

Dangerous ambition more often lurks behind the specious mask of zeal for the rights of the people than under the forbidden appearance of zeal for the firmness and efficiency of government.

The stars are not afraid to appear like fireflies.

A dangerous ambition more often lurks behind the specious mask of zeal for the rights of the people, than under the forbidding appearance of zeal for the firmness and efficiency of Government.

I’m lookin’ paid and pretty.