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I wonder what chairs think about all day: “Oh, here comes another asshole

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Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
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What some folks call impossible is just stuff they haven’t seen before.
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But if there’s love, dear – those are the ties that bind, and you’ll have a family in your heart, forever.
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I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.
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My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.
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A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
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I do believe in love; it’s wonderful – especially love third time around, it’s even more precious; it’s kind of amazing.
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I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.
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Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
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The human spirit is more powerful than any drug – and that is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. These are the things that matter.
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If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
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Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
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Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.
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To be free. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world.
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People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.
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After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.
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