Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARXI’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX