I never wanted to be famous.
DAVE ATTELLSex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don’t you? “Damn I got to get the hell out of here!” “What was I thinking!”
More Dave Attell Quotes
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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I don’t have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that’s not what I said!
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I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
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I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He’s at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don’t know what he’s talking about.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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I’m not the comic of the generation, I’m not even the funniest guy in my family.
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ltimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can’t get you laid. It’s an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.
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A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that’s pretty much what you’re supposed to do with jokes. You’re not supposed to take it any further than that.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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I’m not like a performer type.
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My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
DAVE ATTELL